I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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