i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize