so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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