i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
