dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
