i don't like sucking hair
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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