just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
