i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So many bounce houses so little time
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
