I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
