that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
