hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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