yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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