My nipple is on Facebook.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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