i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
