I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
