So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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