bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
