Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
