I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
