I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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