You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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