I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
