Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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