At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
