my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize