Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
