My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
