the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
