I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
