Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
