i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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