the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
