is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A+ Viking dick
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
