I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
