it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
