Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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