I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
