none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
