He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
