he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
