I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
