I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
