If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
