This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
