I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
