I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
