margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
