he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
