it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
