cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
