If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
