i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
