after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
