Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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