Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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