I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
