I hate your face
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
