This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
