New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize