The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
