are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
