we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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