I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
