I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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