last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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