I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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