Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize