just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
