just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
