Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
